the post in which i discuss the whole labor and delivery thing

{this is your long post warning}

Oh hello. Remember me? I'm that gal who had a baby and then dropped off the face the {blogging} earth.

As cliche as it sounds, I honestly can't believe how quickly the time has passed, but at the same time it feels like it's been eons since I've been able to get 8 hours of consistent sleep. Hmmm... sleep.... Oh the luxury that idea now seems. But, this post isn't about my lack of z's. So, I've been asked, how did the whole labor and delivery thing go?

Different.

Yup. It was totally different than what I was expecting. We chose to be induced (which I actually loved!), so there weren't any 120mph police escorted dashes to the hospital, much to Deke's chagrin. I had to report to the hospital at midnight, so in the hours before I packed my bags and then took off with the husband to squeeze in one last date night. (dinner and a movie if you must know - yes. we're so romantic.) The movie ended at 11:55 p.m. At this point I was really starting to freak out. The realization that THIS baby had to come out of THAT very small space was really starting to hit home. That, and the fact that I have a very active imagination. I automatically assume that whatever happened to that lady on the TV in that medical drama will happen to me. What if I was on my way to my deathbed??? A few tears on the way to the hospital may or may not have been shed.

the LABOR:

Checked in, got the IV. This was totally worse than the epidural. Deke had to hold my hand. Yup. I'm a wuss.

Pitocin started at 2AM followed by an Ambien a.k.a. the good stuff.

7 AM Only dialated to a 3 (I started at a 2+).

8 AM My doctor broke my water. Weirdest. Feeling. Ever. It's like a bladder that won't stop. Still only to a 3+. Since I was progressing so slowly they thought I wouldn't deliver til later that afternoon.

Stood up to use the rest room. Leaked more amniotic fluid all over the floor. Awesome. Child labor is so not glamorous.

9ish AM Contractions starting to REALLY hurt.

9:30ish AM Contractions KILLING. The breathing stuff totally didn't help me. GET ME AN EPIDURAL.

9:35ish AM DEKE, call the nurses and tell them to get the epidural man NOW.

9:37ish AM DEKE, GO GET THE EPIDURAL MAN RRIIIIIGGGGHHHHHTTT NNNOOOWWW!!!!!!!

9:40ish AM Epidural man comes. Nurses check me and I'm at a 4+. Epidural man makes sure I understand all the side effects. Like death. I couldn't care less. I just wanted the drugs. At this point the contractions were getting so painful I started hyperventilating. Hyperventilating = Loosing all feeling in hands. Weird.

9:45ish AM Epidural complete!

9:50ish AM Oh wait... only one side is getting numb. Note to self: feeling contractions on only one side of your body is totally just as bad as both sides.

9:55ish AM epidural man fixes this by repositioning the catheter. He's my best friend.

10:00 AM Tea and crumpets anyone? This whole labor thing's a breeze!

11:45 AM I'm feeling fantastic. Deke and the moms are feeling hungry. I decide to take a nap. They decide to head to the cafeteria.

11:50 AM The doctor comes to check my progress. The following conversation takes place...
Doctor: "Are you ready to start pushing?"
Jen: "What??? I'm at a 10?? What about the nap?"
Doctor: "It's show time! (looking around...) Where is everyone?"
Jen: "I think they went down to get something to eat."
Doctor: "Where's your cell phone... wait... Actually, I'll just run down and get them myself! If they don't get here soon they're going to miss it." (only Deke was in the room for the actual delivery.)

the DELIVERY:

12:00ish PM Nurses start prepping me for delivery.

12:10ish PM Nurses have me do some practice pushes. Deke runs in. Practice pushes work a little too well. Doctor isn't back yet.

Nurse has to go find doctor

12:20ish PM Doctor runs in (he was grabbing a bite to eat really quick.)

12:31 PM Reese is born.

Delivery was so much different than I thought it would be. 20 minutes of pushing and our little bean was here. I guess I just imagined it to be super intense and lots of super hard pushing that would leave me in dire exhaustion. Honestly, it was completely the opposite. I would almost describe it as fun! Seriously, call me crazy. But it was almost like a party! - You have all these people telling you how awesome you are doing and how you're some type of fantastic superstar and than BAM! You get a gift of a life time at the end! I felt great. My epidural had worn off just enough to feel mild cramping with each contraction, but I still didn't feel any pain. Pushing wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be. Needless to say, delivery was a much better experience than I had anticipated.

Seeing Reese for the first time was incredible. I'd like to say that I had some amazing spiritual veil thinning experience as they laid her in my arms, but I didn't. (that would come a few days later.) Instead, I felt shear excitement and awe. It was exhilarating. She was finally here and she was mine.

the RECOVERY:

The worst part of the entire process. Why doesn't anyone ever tell you how awful it is?

My right leg didn't become un-numb til around 4AM the next morning. Using the restroom was a little difficult. I seriously almost fell flat on my face once, but thankfully the nurse was there to catch me. It was hilarious.

Mesh has never been more comfortable :)

All in all, just a terribly uncomfortable time. Thank goodness for Percocet.

the NURSING:

OUCH.

But not as painful as I was expecting. No blood was involved.

Despite the pain, I actually really, really enjoy it.

Milk coming in = Holy Wowsers. Can they seriously get any bigger? Yikes.

My goal is to make it to 6 months exclusively nursing.

So there you go! This is the point in the post that I should congratulate you for making it through a very long entry and then end it with a nice closing paragraph that ties it all together. But, I'm tired of writing, so tidy closing paragraphs are not to be found. Instead a simple THE END will have to do.

So, THE END.