i just wanted to leave you with this

it gets better every time i look at it.



*picture dump coming to a screen near you {in the near future}.

surprise! it's me! again!

oh hey blog. it's me.

ignoring you again.

i think my problem is that i get overwhelmed thinking about all of the catch up, "event" posts. things like hiking table rock, g&k fam coming to visit, father's day, etc.. etc..

you know, all the posts that require a detailed description of the doings and goings.  who, what, when, where, why. the "scrapbook" posts. i hate writing those kind of posts.  which makes sense because i hate scrapbooking. i get lost thinking about all the nitty, gritty details.  we did this, we did that, blah, blah, blah.  boring, boring, boring. i drown in details.

really, i just want to write about the little day to day stuff. the feeling stuff. the just being posts. in the long run, i think that's what i'll treasure the most.  glimpses into the every day.

and so today, i'm liberating myself. self, forget about the event posts. just be. just write. just do whatever you darn well please. and leave the boring event stuff for the photo books.

in other news, this little munchkin is stealing my heart every other second.

love me some callaway.

bogus basin

Climb the mountains and get their good tidings.  Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees.  The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.  ~John Muir

I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station, through which God speaks to us every hour, if we will only tune in.  ~George Washington Carver


there are two environments where i feel closer to God than anywhere else.

one, the mountains.
two, the beach.

i don't think it's coincidence that when Christ fasted for 40 days, he first retreated to the wilderness.

honestly, i used to feel a little guilty that the temple isn't top of my list.  as a good lds woman, shouldn't that be my top spiritual place? while i love the temple and the breathtaking spirit and beauty that is there,  it's out in nature that i feel the purest connection to my maker.  the place i hear His piercing voice the clearest.

i think He made me this way. it's there, among the pine and quakies (or waves and endless horizon) i find true perspective.

i'm happiest when i have a little dirt between my toes.

sunday, we were all thirsting for a little reconnection so we packed up the car after church and headed up the canyon to bogus basin.

as soon as i stepped out of the car i felt like bursting into song like rapunzel,

Just smell the grass, the dirt! Just like I dreamed they'd be!
Just feel that summer breeze - the way it's calling me
For like the first time ever, I'm completely free!
I could go running
And racing
And dancing
And chasing
And leaping
And bounding
Hair flying
Heart pounding
And splashing
And reeling
And finally feeling
Now's when my life begins!

(are your two year old girls as in love with this movie and 'new-gene' as mine is? geesh)

needless to say. i was so happy to be there.

first, the iphone photos via instagram:

and then the rest:

poor cal. every picture of him he has socks on his hands so he won't scratch his face, and a big bib covering his front since he still spits up at least a couple times after each feeding.  

 

reese is such a nut. check out this face...

i wonder where she gets it from?

"i wanna get out."

i love the color of the moss that covers all of the pine here.

it was just what we needed. the perfect prelude to summer adventures ahead.

the many faces of reese

she's our little goof mcgoofster. and doesn't she look so old with her hair straightened?

sun ovens and other food experiments

we've been in sweets overload around these parts lately as i've been trying all sorts of food experiments.

translation: my pants have never been tighter post-partum as i've been overindulging in all sorts of carbohydrate goodness.

maybe i should actually start exercising seeing as swimsuit season is a measly 2 weeks away. meh.

anyway, among the many experiments i've tried my own version of strawberry trifle:

just layered angel food cake, strawberry danish dessert, strawberries, and a mixture of fresh whipped cream and instant vanilla pudding.  i added about 1 1/2 teaspoons of orange zest and about 1/2 cup sour cream to the cream/pudding mixture.

wow, heaven in a bowl. i think next time i'll add bananas and raspberries too.

next up, classic oatmeal bread. i forgot how much i love this stuff. and slathered in homemade cinnamon honey butter? ummmm, yes. just pack on the love handles and we'll call it good.

this last week i tried a new cinnamon roll recipe.  the surprise ingredient was 1 cup of mashed potatoes. they were seriously to die for.  maybe even my best cinnamon rolls yet.

see? carb overload. and these are just the ones i've taken photos of. but wait, there's more.

several years ago, deek's generous grandpa gifted each of his children a sun oven. what, you ask is a sun oven?

it's an oven that bakes your food by harnessing the power of the sun.  oh my heck, you guys, first natural birth and now sun ovens?? what is becoming of me??

basically, there's big metallic reflectors that some how heat up an inner chamber, or oven.  no electricity needed.

we finally were able to bring it out of storage and test it out on monday. ironically, this first thing i baked was amish bread. (i love when life throws in little ironies like that.  i still chuckle to myself over this one. also, would anyone in boise love an amish bread starter? they're sitting in my freezer. just give me a shout out.)

so, step one. place oven in the sun to preheat while preparing your food. at 2:15pm mine took about 20 minutes to preheat to 325 F. it was a 90F day with full sun. they say the outdoor air temperature doesn't matter - it's the brightness of the sun and the lowness of the humidity levels that provide the best environment for sun cooking. supposedly they've successfully used these in mt everest base camps.

here are my loafs, prior to baking:

(excuse the chalk background)

the oven has this nifty thermometer gauge that displays the exact temperature:

step 2: place your food in the oven and sip pina coladas. or chase down your 2 year old who has removed the cinnamon rolls, homemade ice cream, and popsicles from the freezer which are now melting all over your wood floor.

see that glass door on top? that and the inside chamber where the bread is baking are the only parts of the entire contraption that are hot to the touch. the reflectors and outer wood box aren't hot at all.

there's a hanging shelf in the chamber to set your food on.  this provides a way for hot air to fully surround your food. and for your food to stay level if the oven is on a slope (like mine was).  here's a slightly better view:

my amish bread recipe said to bake at 325F for 1 hour in a conventional oven.   i placed my bread in at 2:45pm and it was done by 4:15pm, so it took about 30 minutes longer than normal. however, i had to open the glass door twice during baking to wipe out condensation that had formed (which they say can add 10-15 minutes of baking time per opening) and to sprinkle a sugar mixture on top that i had completely forgotten about.  also, some clouds covered the sun for about 15 minutes of the bake time.

so overall? not too shabby on the bake time. and it prevented my kitchen from heating up like a sauna which was my whole point in trying it out.

here is the bread right after i pulled it out:

i know. definitely not pretty. like i said before, i forgot to sprinkle on the sugar before placing it in the oven and since i didn't get the bread exactly in the middle of the hanging shelf it slanted forward quite a bit.

and also, because i'm such a talented baker and all, i didn't grease my pans well enough so when i dumped the bread out it looked like this:

but still, it tasted just fine. fantastic, in fact. and the entire time i was eating it i kept thinking, "the SUN baked this. guys, the SUN." and it didn't take an ounce of electricity or add any heat to my home.

it was amazing and i definitely recommend it.

so, let's break it down.

the pros: simple. easy to use. bakes food solely by the power of the sun. it's fun. did i mention it bakes food solely by the power of the sun? the SUN you guys. doesn't heat up my house.

the cons: totally unusable on cloudy days. can't use aluminum bakeware since it decreases the efficiency of the reflectors (my favorite bread pans are aluminum. bummer). it obviously will take some practice leveling food on the swinging shelf thing while simultaneously trying not to get burned. takes a little longer than normal to bake.

overall i would totally recommend it.  can't wait to try it again soon. in fact, my plan is to use this as my primary way of cooking dinner this summer to save on our air conditioner bill and to save energy in general. i wish i was more concerned about the well being of our planet, but really it just boils down to the fact that i'm a cheapo, and any way i can save money, i'm a fan.

i'll let you know how run 2 goes.

tuckered out

today was a day.

a rough nap day, that is.

prior to 4:00pm i think cal had slept a total of 1 1/2 hours and reese was a walking tantrum thanks to the recent 6:30am wake up calls she's been practicing. {playing with mommy's iphone in bed for an hour in the mornings, anyone?}

while catching up with one of my closest friends {sar, howabout you guys just move to boise, ok?}, i popped in a movie for reese and set cal next to her to play with a toy.

20 minutes later they looked like this:

despite it being 4:30pm, they looked way too cute to wake up.*

love cal's hand on his chest. love reese's face smashed in her blankie. love that 5 minutes later reese had straightened her leg and cal was resting his foot on her.

sigh. love me those munchkins.





*to compensate for late naps we literally make reese run laps around the main floor after dinner. like 50 laps and she has to count them as she runs.  wears her out and provides entertainment for the rest of us. win-win.

lessons in anatomy

last week, reese finally noticed that something was a little different when i changed cal's diapers.

"oh mommy, what's that!!?" while giggling her little heart out.

"that's called a penis. it's cal's special private part that makes him a boy."

we continued to have a little discussion about how heavenly father made boys and girls different and how awesome and fabulous all parts of our bodies are.

the next day while changing his diaper, she exclaimed, "hey!! there's cal's piece!! it's sooooo cute!!"

again i went over the proper labels and that was that.

a few days later deek was singing reese to sleep, "take me out to the ball game, take me out to the crowd. buy me some peanuts and cracker..." when he was abruptly interrupted by reese.

"daddy. did you say penis?"

{trying desperately to hold it together} "no reese, i said peanuts. buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks."

"oh." and then stuck her blankie back in her mouth.

the end.




how in the world am i supposed to keep a straight face through this stuff?

mother's day

wish i could have wished my mom a happy mother's day in person, but for now facetime will have to do {bless that facetime}.

deek gave me all day saturday to do whatever i wanted while he took care of the kiddos. excluding nursing {and by nursing i mean pumping, because bless that cal, he refuses to nurse, so i get the privilege of spending an hour and half every day at the pump. moo.}

so obviously i spent my time laying in the sunshine painting my toes and catching up on a good read. because apparently i'm still 16 at heart. {except i'm a little smarter with the sunscreen nowadays. bless that sunscreen}

that night deek treated me to a hot date where we picked out flower pots for the front porch.  i love beautifying things with life. some day i hope to have the planting skills of my mom, because wow can she put together a flower garden. {bless my green thumb}

some day, some day...

sunday he made me an absolutely mouth watering meal.

GET IN MY BELLY.

check out the color variety on that plate.  and that steak? seriously, it was the best of My LLLIIIIFE. my husband is a grilling fiend.

we ended the day with root beer floats made with homemade vanilla ice cream while visiting with good friends.

it really was the best mother's day yet.

but you wanna know what was really the best part?

reflecting on the incredible examples i've had in my life of mothers and women, particularly my own mom and hanging out with the people who made me a mommy.

i hope i didn't fall too far from the tree, because, well....

it was pretty darn good tree.




hope you all had a fabulous day too!

and we're back

oh hey blog. remember me?

yeah... me neither. {or is it either? don't confuse me.}

so once upon a time i had a baby and a 2 year old and husband and we bought a new house and packed up another house and dropped off the face of the earth. the end.

i'm attempting to get back in the ol' blogging sphere. attempting being the key word.  and since i have so many millions of things to get caught up on, i'm just gonna start with right. now. and maybe someday i'll catch up on the other stuff.

which means i'll never get caught up on the other stuff.

anyway, this last sunday i was flying solo at church since the deek-ster was home sick. as i was hauling my 5 million pound diaper bag and my 7 million pound baby car seat with cal strapped in while trying to herd a wandering 2 year old all the way out to the car {because we always have to park in the very     last                  row}, i had a moment of appreciation.

i was so grateful we weren't still at the lodge.

because if we were still at the lodge, that would mean i'd be on my own every other sunday.  and after the car ride home i would still have to change 2 kids into snow clothes and boots and figure out how to carry them both through feet of snow through the hike to our double wide. and while i like to think my 5ft 2in in frame is somewhat tough, it's not quite that tough. i'm afraid falls in the snow would have been all too frequent.

but it was a good moment for me.  i've been waxing nostalgic about the smell of pine and fires and the slower pace of life, so it was good to gain perspective.

isn't it amazing how phases of our life come and go? perfect experiences at perfect times. even the challenges - as awful and long as they seem in the moment, they're there for a distinct purpose, preparing us for the road on the horizon.

no way could i have done the lodge with 2 kids, but for the space of time that it was, it couldn't have been a more perfect place to be.

and now we're here.  boise.

still getting used to calling it home, but i can't imagine being anywhere else.  {unless i'm stuck behind the infinite number of idaho license plates. geez, can't we at least go 2mph over the speed limit?}

love it.

and with that, i'll leave you with a recent photo of my goobers.

goober one {she posed like that on her own. is that a riot or what?}:

goober two:

 sigh.

they're getting so big.

why you gotta be like that huh?

love me some goobers.

cal's {natural} birth: part 2

warning: this is a birth story. a natural birth. and i wrote it just the way it happened. so if reading about a birth that isn't your normal lay in a bed, get an epidural, and pop a baby out makes you uncomfortable, feel free not read this. seriously!

i'm not even sure how to write part 2.

how do you justly describe one of the most defining experiences of your life? especially when you suffer severely from mommy brain and it takes you five minutes to think of words as simple as, well... simple.  it was funny and painful and empowering and embarrassing and sacred and ridiculously hard and whole bunch of other adjectives I can't think of right now.

man, was it hard.

but man, was it rewarding.

a synergy of feelings, impossible to dissect.

the labor
we arrived at the hospital just as the contractions were starting to take my breath away. in the middle of checking in, a wave hit me and i had to excuse myself as i walked circles around the waiting room, yelling out my information as the check in nurse asked her obnoxious questions (dudette, i'm in labor. YES, all the info is right. isn't this why we do pre-registration months before?) it was during check-in though, that i did the smartest thing i think i've ever done.

"i'm attempting to go natural, so i'd like a nurse who has experience with that sort of thing."

"we'll see what we can do."

and man did they deliver.  no pun intended.

as soon as we walked into the pre-admit room i felt it. my contractions were slowing down. i hate hospital. like, really really hate hospitals.  and for some reason, this labor's progress was directly correlating to my current state of stress.

the pre-admit nurse was perky and pretty and fun. and young. and i could tell she was all things medical. natural wasn't really her forte and i could sense her scrutiny when i told her my plans. please don't be my nurse.

"let's see, your contractions have slowed down to every 8 minutes and usually we only admit those who are at least 5-7 minutes apart, but let me check you really quick.

 ummm...WOW.  you're a 5, almost 6. so, uh... definitely in labor. i'll give the on call doctor a call and see if we should admit you." is there even a question?

5 minutes later she escorted me into my corner birthing suite.

"christy, your labor nurse, won't be here until 7AM so i'll be with you for the next hour."

because i was strep b positive again, i was required to have an iv site placed so i could receive the antibiotics.  perky nurse blew my first vein.

OUCH.

my contractions stayed at a steady 8 minutes apart and were gaining in intensity.  while i received the antibiotic i had to lay in bed which was pretty much the worst position ever for contractions.  at that point, the thing that felt the very best was to have deek massage my hand through each contraction.

the antibiotics finished and perky nurse released me from my prison iv. i hopped out of bed an instantly felt like a healthy human again instead of a sick patient.

it was then that she arrived.

christy.  older than perky nurse.  no makeup, wearing a sun and moon necklace and earrings. totally mystical and soft spoken and, well, natural.

holy hannah, i ordered a hippy.

the first thing she did was call the cafeteria and lift the standard food ban most hospitals have for laboring women.

"bring her whatever she wants, whenever she wants."

i wanted to hug her. food tasted so good and kept me from feeling nauseated.

she asked me what my goal for the day was so she could write it on my white board.  "to have a successful labor and a healthy baby," i replied.

"no," she said, "to have a successful natural labor and a healthy baby."

i turned on my playlist, plugged in my candle warmer and whipped out my vanilla lime scented candle.  i hate the smell of hospitals.

my birthing suite was massive.  a corner room with a big, gorgeous window pouring in gallons of natural light.  i had a private bathroom with a gigantic jetted tub, with customizable jet massage options. a birthing ball was rolled into the corner. {what is this thing? and how is this different than a regular exercise ball? side note: still not really sure.}

i drew a bath and hung out in the tub for a while. contractions were getting more intense but still slowing down in frequency - now happening every 10 minutes.

my doctor came to check on me.

"just let me know if you want me to break your water.  this is your birth, i'm just here to support you. this day is YOURS, not mine.  you make the calls."

i decided to hold out and see if labor would pick up on its own.

an hour later and out of the tub contractions were down to every 20 minutes. TWENTY FREAKING MINUTES.

my doctor came back.

"still your choice for breaking your water, but just so you know, the longer labor is stalled, statistically, the smaller the chance it will come back on its own. let me know what you want to do."

i don't know? should i just have him do it? or do i just hang out and see what happens? man, i really don't want labor to completely stop and have to do the whole pitocin thing... do i chance statistics?

i was this close to giving in and having him break it, but then my angel hippy nurse piped up, "your fine. this is totally normal.  my personal belief is that it's nature's way of giving women a rest before it gets really intense.  it let's the body prepare and rest for what's to come.  i worry if he breaks your water now, it will be too intense, too fast," said in her awesome mystical way. "by the way, most doctor's wouldn't have given you the choice the second time around. bryan is awesome. the closest doctor there is to a midwife in boise."

done. she gave me the confidence to wait it out. and visit the 70's while we're at it.

then christy gave me some tips on natural ways to try and break one's water and to induce contractions.  squatting, bouncing, pressure points... all sorts of things she had learned from watching midwives. "but just so you don't stress, in some women, their water doesn't break until they're at a 9 or 10.  just don't worry too much about it."

then she checked me. definitely a 7, which i guess was good seeing as how i only had to deal with contractions every 15-20 minutes.

after trying some squats and the birthing ball and such, deek and i decided to go out for stroll. see if we can walk this baby out. 

we headed straight for the stairwell.  10 flights up, 10 flights down. HECK. YES.

we seriously started sprinting up the stairs. all 10 flights. {along with our fellow stairwell patron, Harold*, who was about 80 years old and used the stairs as his daily exercise  since recovering from a heart attack. i think he was worried about the 41 week pregnant lady pounding his stairs.}

the contractions started to pick up. as soon as one would start, i would stop running, grab onto the hand rail, squat it out and have deek rub my back.  but honestly, the exercise and moving felt good. great, even.

then we ran down all 10 flights.  the contractions were coming faster, but i wasn't ready to go back to the room yet.  we started speed walking the halls.

"just kidding. these contractions are getting too intense. back to the room.  gasp. NOW."

christy immediately came to check me. "ok...great job! your pretty much an 8. i think you liked the water, so that's where you should spend your transition in. i'll go fill the tub." i remember feeling happy she made the decision where i should transition.  i had no idea what i wanted. besides to die.

the contractions started rolling.  i think this is when i entered what they call the jekyll and hyde part of labor. they started to get really, really intense.  too intense to talk. or breath.

one second i was having deek rub my back, the next i was swatting his hand away. "birthing ball.... sit.... NO! not...gasp....YOU.....gasp....ME!  $%*t."

transition
the tub was ready.

the tub. oh boy, the tub.


people say natural birth is hard. doable, but hard.  i'm not really sure what they've experienced, because for me hard doesn't begin to describe what my transition was like.

it was there, hunched over the side of the tub with the jets shooting into my belly with deek rubbing my back that i think i greeted the sacrificial altar of motherhood.

it was so incredibley painful. seriously, i cannot over emphasize the intensity of what i felt. but it was a different kind of pain than anything i had ever experienced.  it wasn't a harmful pain. it was a complete, all encompassing, almost purifying pain. during one of the contractions i felt a quick little stinging pop.  i think this is when my water broke. christy came and tried to help me breath. why didn't i practice any breathing beforehand?? it helped some but without practice, it really didn't do much.

"why did i want to do this!!? i'm guessing it's too late for the epidural."

"yes. but you're doing it. this is the worst part."

she left for a few minutes to prepare for the delivery.

i so clearly remember feeling completely overwhelmed at this point.  i had zero control over what my body was doing. i felt as if i was going self combust at any moment. i wanted to cry but was in too much pain. i was almost in despair.

"deek, i need a blessing. i can't do this without help."

and so right there in my bathroom, still hunched over the tub deek gave me a priesthood blessing. it was short and sweet and perfect. i can do this.

christy came back. "it's time to get out."

the contractions were rolling about every minute and a half and lasted about a minute each.  that gave us 30 seconds to move between contractions. deek and christy helped me out of the tub. just as i was starting to dress another one hit.  i dropped to the tiled ground.  i seriously thought i was going to die. christy went to grab my doctor and deek cheered me on.

it ended and they raced me over to the bed. again, as i was climbing onto the bed another one came.  the only position that felt good was on my forearms and knees. i was fully dilated.

"you're body is going to want to push really soon. let it do it's thing - this is the baby coming into the canal," christy said.

as if on cue my body decided it was going to try and expell my brain.

my doctor walked in.

"jenny, i would let you stay like this to birth but you have a greater chance of tearing if i do. after this contraction we're going to flip you over and deliver this baby. you're amazing and you're doing beautifully."

the delivery
this delivery was so different than with reese.  reese's was great, but was very typical of a completely induced labor with an epidural.  lots of people in and out, lots of bright lights. happy, exciting, easy.

this time there were just four of us in the room. deek, me, christy, and my doctor.  no bright lights, just the natural light pouring in from the window. my playlist of 5 songs still playing in the background.

it was peaceful and sacred and intimate, despite the fact i sounded like a woman in labor.

they say you're body just knows how to push. holy moly, does it know how to push.

this part was just as intense as transition except along with each contraction there was an added measure of feeling. pushing. PUSHING.

i compare this part to feeling cold. once the temperature gets to about 20 below zero then it's just cold. same thing with the pain of labor.  once you reach a certain threshold of pain, it's just pain. it doesn't feel any better or worse. and honestly, this part was so much better. the end was in site and i could tell cal was almost here. i was in control of something.

it still didn't stop me from saying a naughty word. "well said!" replied my doctor.

my doctor coached me through the entire thing. "push!" "don't push!" "short little pushes!" "one more big push!"

20 minutes of pushing. the head, followed by the body.

a breath
a cry
a moment of triumph
a moment of beauty
a moment of love

and just like that it was over. no more pain. no more pregnant. i felt... normal. exquisitely normal. and no tearing was an added bonus.

deek cut the chord and my nurse immediately laid cal on my chest. he was gorgeous and healthy and mine.

then my doctor piped up, "you're losing more blood than i'd like, would you mind trying to nurse? i need your uterus to start contracting again."

and so we nursed immediately. they let me hold and cuddle and nurse him for over an hour before weighing and measuring while they dripped in pitocin to stop my excessive bleeding.

that was such a sacred time for me. me and deek and cal alone in our room together. we were so beyond happy and never had i felt so empowered, so able, and so unbelievably full of capacity.  if i can do that, i seriously can do anything.

as intense as my pain had been, it had been replaced with an equal intensity of joy. joy for my baby, joy for my husband, joy for motherhood, and joy for my savior for the allowing me the gift of experience.

there was a whole-lotta love going on.

i still think about that day often. how hard it was and how empowered i felt after.  how perfect and sweet that baby in my arms was. how close it made me feel to deek. how it gave me a tiny little glimpse into the type of love Christ must have for each one of us to voluntarily suffer as he did.

it was incredible. indescribable. intense in every possible way.

will i do it again? i don't know.

would i do it over? you bet.

all i know, is that it was perfect. a perfect catalyst for all types of experience, and it was mine.










*name has been changed because i don't remember the real one. and i like the sound of harold.

cal's {natural} birth part 1

i've decided to write about cal's birth experience in several different posts. for one, if i did it all in one post it would be way, way waaaaaay too long. it's much easier to break it up into bits.  but mostly, his birth experience was so many different experiences rolled up into one big giant snowball of emotion, i'm not really sure where to start.  the task of writing about it is more than overwhelming, so small pieces it is, to make the task seem a little more doable.

first thing first, i'm crazy. really, really crazy. this, i know.

i voluntarily birthed a child without meds. i'm not really sure what possessed me to go au naturale, but it was something i wanted to do.  felt like i should do even. and like some things happen, the pieces fit together. among the many coincidences:

...randomly picking an obgyn from online reviews only to find out later he was a huge advocate of natural childbirth and had an incredibly low epesiotomy and cesarean rate. "closest doctor boise has to a midwife..." according to my l&d nurse. "how did you luck out in choosing the best doctor in boise?"

...making friends with a girl who had her first naturally and will never do it another way.  she gave me dozens of tips and resources.  it was she who convinced me that i could do it.  that birth was not some huge, insurmountable event that could only be endured with through meds.

...meeting many new woman in my ward who had done the same.  they gave me hope that it was a completely doable hurdle. a big hurdle, but not definitely not impossible. and also helped me see it's not just done by hippy's in their living rooms.

...quirky coincidence: out of 6 kids, i'm the only one my mom had totally natural.  "you just came too fast.." she says.

and mostly, it didn't make sense to me. why would God so masterfully design a woman's body to create a baby only to botch the whole 'exit from the womb' strategy. why would He allow every other species on earth to birth their own offspring without withering away in pain, only to leave man, his crowning creation wanting? it didn't make sense.  i wanted to experience birth the way He created it to be.

and so i set out to study.  if i was going to do this, i needed to prepare.  arm myself with as much pain management knowledge as i could. and so i read everything from hypnobirthing (thanks rach!!) to ina may's guide to childbirth.  after reading several different texts, ina may's book totally felt like a fit. while it was a little hippyish, her techniques seemed the most practical to me. after all, i was too cheap to take a class and while hypnobirthing sounded interesting and i loved their slow breathing exercises, i felt like you really needed to take the class or at the very least have the cd's to practice with.  and i'm awful at daily practicing. ina may's it was.

and so i took notes about what to do.  i took notes about what deek should do. i took notes about what not to do. and then i got a late fee from the library. darn late fees.

my belly grew and d-day loomed closer.

35 weeks: 1cm, 50%.  feeling awesome.

37 weeks: 2cm, 50%. mental breakdown at my appointment.  i told my doctor i was completely freaked out with the realization that the baby was going to come out.  soon. he gave me a pep talk and told me to go home and look at my little girl.  it's so worth it, he reiterated. deep breaths.

38 weeks: 3cm, 50%.  my doctor was called away into surgery, so i saw an l&d nurse instead. most painful internal exam i've ever had. darn nurse. she offered to strip my membranes as she was doing the internal exam. HECK NO BRINGER OF PAIN.  also i had a mini panic attack knowing i still had 2 closets to clean {the horror}. and mentally prepare for sleepless nights. soooo not ready to give up my nights.

39 weeks: still 3cm, 50%. still 2 closets to clean.

40 weeks: 4 cm, 50%. i'm walking around at a FOUR. how is he not falling out yet? and why am i not having any contractions?

i walked 3 miles every night {thanks for being my partner marie!}. and sometimes even jogged. and ate pineapple, and spicy food, and gulped gallons of raspberry leaf tea, and looked up acupressure points, and held family dance parties {"alright STOP, collaborate and LISTEN, ice is back with brand new renDITION, something grabs a hold of me tightly..."}

and your so welcome for getting that stuck in your head. ICE, ICE, baby....

anyway, by the end i was literally sprinting around the block every night. SPRINTING. i exercised more in the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy than i had in the past 2 years. cue the gasps. and yes, i even tried daily hot dates with the hubby. no baby. no contractions.

nothing was working.

tuesday november 22nd came and went.

thanksgiving was lovely. my mom and dad and younger sister came up to party. and my mom did indeed make an entire banana cream pie solely for me. i ran 3 miles that morning and walked 3 that night. and ate {more than} three pieces of banana cream pie. still no contractions.

and then it was black friday. dad and katie left early that morning. as soon as they left it started.  contractions. real contractions, but only every 20 minutes or so.  wahoo!! i began mentally preparing myself for the inevitable.

now, before i proceed any further, you have to know something about me. i can't stand clutter. like seriously.  i know people say that, but i'm not exaggerating. when my home is in disarray, my brain is the same way. clutter = frustration, orneriness, and stress.  the stress level in my brain is directly correlated to the clutter situation in my home. when things are out of order i get tense.

back to the story. i was mentally preparing myself to have a baby. in order to not get psyched out and tense up i needed a house of order.  the contractions seemed to last longer and hit closer together the more i was able to completely relax and focus on them. basically, the more attention i gave them, the more intense they became. sweet! my house was nice and tidy and clean {thanks mom!}so i thought i'd just veg on the couch for a few hours, listen to some relaxing music, focus on the contractions and have a baby. maybe i could even convince deek to be my own personal masseuse. my only goal for the day: get this baby outta here!

and then i walked out of my room into reality.

thanksgiving decorations that had been taken down from their places were strewn across the table.  stress level going up.

big empty thanksgiving decoration boxes piled in our tiny family room. stress level steadily increasing.

even bigger filled christmas decoration boxes stacked in our growing smaller by the second family room. stress level skyrocketing.

upbeat christmas music blaring from the stereo. read: complete and utter mental chaos. aka: jen's HELL.

deek was in full day-after-thanksgiving mode. 

i almost lost it.


oh wait. i did lose it. so much for my quiet day on the couch.

thanksgiving decorations were down which meant they had to be put away.  christmas decorations had to be put up, which meant everything needed to be dusted.  because everyone knows you can't put decorations up on dusty shelves. and since everything had to be dusted that meant the entire house needed to be vacuumed. everyone knows you have to vacuum right after you dust. what good is dusting if the dust isn't vacuumed up right away? and if you're going to vacuum you have to do it right and get the vacuum lines just so.  and yes, these are actual thoughts that went through my head. and that was all before the actual decorating. darn those vacuum lines.

my contractions completely stopped.

ummm ok. i guess we can do this right now. really? we're going to do this right now?

NEVERMIND THE 3 DAYS OVERDUE PREGNANT LADY TRYING TO HAVE A BABY.

the pinnacle moment of the past 9 months {filled with sickness, exhaustion, anticipation, anxiety, etc.. etc..}  is coming to pass RIGHT NOW so, hey, let's throw up the christmas decorations!

i think at that point, my mom took reese on a walk.  smart mom.

and i'm sorry to say i let deek hear a piece of my very emotionally charged, super exaggerated mind.


poor deek.  he didn't know i had started having contractions.  he didn't know my expectations for the day were for complete calm, and quiet, and relaxation. all he knew was that it was one of his favorite days of the whole year - for him the day after thanksgiving is one big christmas decorating party. whip out the decorations! whip out the music! let's have a party!

how selfish of me to forget how important that day was to him.  looking back i feel so awful to have dampened it with my tantrum.

but it is what it is. i got upset.

and our christmas decorations were put up.


i didn't have another contraction the rest of the day.

but for what it's worth, the decorations looked lovely.  {cough, cough, ihopeitwasworthitdeek}

i guess on the plus side though, i was able to get a little black friday shopping in by myself later that afternoon.  who doesn't love a little shopping when they could be having a baby instead.

other shoppers,"wow, when are you due?"

me:, "seventy-freaking-five weeks ago! thanks for asking." or so i thought to myself.

that night was cozy and christmasy, warmed by the glow of white twinkle lights and michael buble's buttery voice.

suddenly it was 3:00am and i was waking up to steady, strong contractions. the more i let myself relax the quicker and stronger they came, just like before.  after about 45 minutes they were 8 minutes apart.  i decided to get out of bed and throw a little makeup on and do the hair. {why do we do this?}

now things were really starting to cook.  contractions about every 5 minutes. i thought it was probably time to wake up the husband.

"hey love... i think it's time!!"

and within minutes we were out the door.





to be continued....

sing me a song

aren't 2 year olds the greatest things ever to happen? and probably the worst too.

i'm just really loving where reese is at right now.

for christmas santa brought a piano just her size.*  i love it. she loves it. win-win.

she spends a good chunk of time sitting there tickling the ivories and singing her guts out to classic songs as well as made up ones. some favorites: twinkle twinkle, , raindrops falling on my head, i am a child of god, bobby sue, sunbeam, jingle bells, etc.. etc..

best. thing. ever.

we'll see you at carnegie!






*a toddler size grand piano? don't mind if i do. {pass the idea on to santa, that is.} i've really been missing having our upright in our home.  it's currently in storage until we move to a more permanent place {aka non rental}.  music was such a huge part of my growing up life, i haven't wanted reese to miss out on the same. having instruments as part of her every day being is important to me, even if it is just a tyke sized one. bless that santa's soul.

cal - 2 months

accomplishments

started rolling from front to back the day before he turned 6 weeks
holding "conversations" of goo and gee with mommy and daddy
getting pretty darn close to sleeping through the night. last night feeding is between 9pm-10pm and he usually sleeps til around 5am-5:30am and then back to bed til 8am or 9am after he eats.  {although last night he slept clear til 6am!! please don't be a fluke!!}

mommy's notes

oh my little cal, you are such an absolute delight right now. nothin' but sweet smiles and cuddles.  i think you would be content to snuggle on my shoulder all day long.  i think i would be content to let you snuggle on my shoulder all day long {darn laundry}. if you're ever upset all i have to do is touch my face to yours and you calm right down. you're my little buddy. the second best thing to mommy's face though is a soft blanket right out of the dryer.  when you're not snuggled up on mommy or daddy's shoulder you're usually trying to fend for you life while reese is around.  she loves to plug your binky in and pull it out over and over. you're not quite sure what to think of her. you are a busy, busy little body. if i lay you on the floor it's none stop moving. i don't think i've ever seen you sit still when you aren't being snuggled. you hold a pretty serious expression most of the time, but as soon as mommy or daddy looks your way, you're nothing but smiles. how i love my sweet little calamazoo.

{color version: can't decide which i like best}

loves his binky

loves his daddy

somebody's smilin' up a storm

love this kid so much.

nothing like my little guy's smile to melt my heart.