cal's {natural} birth part 1

i've decided to write about cal's birth experience in several different posts. for one, if i did it all in one post it would be way, way waaaaaay too long. it's much easier to break it up into bits.  but mostly, his birth experience was so many different experiences rolled up into one big giant snowball of emotion, i'm not really sure where to start.  the task of writing about it is more than overwhelming, so small pieces it is, to make the task seem a little more doable.

first thing first, i'm crazy. really, really crazy. this, i know.

i voluntarily birthed a child without meds. i'm not really sure what possessed me to go au naturale, but it was something i wanted to do.  felt like i should do even. and like some things happen, the pieces fit together. among the many coincidences:

...randomly picking an obgyn from online reviews only to find out later he was a huge advocate of natural childbirth and had an incredibly low epesiotomy and cesarean rate. "closest doctor boise has to a midwife..." according to my l&d nurse. "how did you luck out in choosing the best doctor in boise?"

...making friends with a girl who had her first naturally and will never do it another way.  she gave me dozens of tips and resources.  it was she who convinced me that i could do it.  that birth was not some huge, insurmountable event that could only be endured with through meds.

...meeting many new woman in my ward who had done the same.  they gave me hope that it was a completely doable hurdle. a big hurdle, but not definitely not impossible. and also helped me see it's not just done by hippy's in their living rooms.

...quirky coincidence: out of 6 kids, i'm the only one my mom had totally natural.  "you just came too fast.." she says.

and mostly, it didn't make sense to me. why would God so masterfully design a woman's body to create a baby only to botch the whole 'exit from the womb' strategy. why would He allow every other species on earth to birth their own offspring without withering away in pain, only to leave man, his crowning creation wanting? it didn't make sense.  i wanted to experience birth the way He created it to be.

and so i set out to study.  if i was going to do this, i needed to prepare.  arm myself with as much pain management knowledge as i could. and so i read everything from hypnobirthing (thanks rach!!) to ina may's guide to childbirth.  after reading several different texts, ina may's book totally felt like a fit. while it was a little hippyish, her techniques seemed the most practical to me. after all, i was too cheap to take a class and while hypnobirthing sounded interesting and i loved their slow breathing exercises, i felt like you really needed to take the class or at the very least have the cd's to practice with.  and i'm awful at daily practicing. ina may's it was.

and so i took notes about what to do.  i took notes about what deek should do. i took notes about what not to do. and then i got a late fee from the library. darn late fees.

my belly grew and d-day loomed closer.

35 weeks: 1cm, 50%.  feeling awesome.

37 weeks: 2cm, 50%. mental breakdown at my appointment.  i told my doctor i was completely freaked out with the realization that the baby was going to come out.  soon. he gave me a pep talk and told me to go home and look at my little girl.  it's so worth it, he reiterated. deep breaths.

38 weeks: 3cm, 50%.  my doctor was called away into surgery, so i saw an l&d nurse instead. most painful internal exam i've ever had. darn nurse. she offered to strip my membranes as she was doing the internal exam. HECK NO BRINGER OF PAIN.  also i had a mini panic attack knowing i still had 2 closets to clean {the horror}. and mentally prepare for sleepless nights. soooo not ready to give up my nights.

39 weeks: still 3cm, 50%. still 2 closets to clean.

40 weeks: 4 cm, 50%. i'm walking around at a FOUR. how is he not falling out yet? and why am i not having any contractions?

i walked 3 miles every night {thanks for being my partner marie!}. and sometimes even jogged. and ate pineapple, and spicy food, and gulped gallons of raspberry leaf tea, and looked up acupressure points, and held family dance parties {"alright STOP, collaborate and LISTEN, ice is back with brand new renDITION, something grabs a hold of me tightly..."}

and your so welcome for getting that stuck in your head. ICE, ICE, baby....

anyway, by the end i was literally sprinting around the block every night. SPRINTING. i exercised more in the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy than i had in the past 2 years. cue the gasps. and yes, i even tried daily hot dates with the hubby. no baby. no contractions.

nothing was working.

tuesday november 22nd came and went.

thanksgiving was lovely. my mom and dad and younger sister came up to party. and my mom did indeed make an entire banana cream pie solely for me. i ran 3 miles that morning and walked 3 that night. and ate {more than} three pieces of banana cream pie. still no contractions.

and then it was black friday. dad and katie left early that morning. as soon as they left it started.  contractions. real contractions, but only every 20 minutes or so.  wahoo!! i began mentally preparing myself for the inevitable.

now, before i proceed any further, you have to know something about me. i can't stand clutter. like seriously.  i know people say that, but i'm not exaggerating. when my home is in disarray, my brain is the same way. clutter = frustration, orneriness, and stress.  the stress level in my brain is directly correlated to the clutter situation in my home. when things are out of order i get tense.

back to the story. i was mentally preparing myself to have a baby. in order to not get psyched out and tense up i needed a house of order.  the contractions seemed to last longer and hit closer together the more i was able to completely relax and focus on them. basically, the more attention i gave them, the more intense they became. sweet! my house was nice and tidy and clean {thanks mom!}so i thought i'd just veg on the couch for a few hours, listen to some relaxing music, focus on the contractions and have a baby. maybe i could even convince deek to be my own personal masseuse. my only goal for the day: get this baby outta here!

and then i walked out of my room into reality.

thanksgiving decorations that had been taken down from their places were strewn across the table.  stress level going up.

big empty thanksgiving decoration boxes piled in our tiny family room. stress level steadily increasing.

even bigger filled christmas decoration boxes stacked in our growing smaller by the second family room. stress level skyrocketing.

upbeat christmas music blaring from the stereo. read: complete and utter mental chaos. aka: jen's HELL.

deek was in full day-after-thanksgiving mode. 

i almost lost it.


oh wait. i did lose it. so much for my quiet day on the couch.

thanksgiving decorations were down which meant they had to be put away.  christmas decorations had to be put up, which meant everything needed to be dusted.  because everyone knows you can't put decorations up on dusty shelves. and since everything had to be dusted that meant the entire house needed to be vacuumed. everyone knows you have to vacuum right after you dust. what good is dusting if the dust isn't vacuumed up right away? and if you're going to vacuum you have to do it right and get the vacuum lines just so.  and yes, these are actual thoughts that went through my head. and that was all before the actual decorating. darn those vacuum lines.

my contractions completely stopped.

ummm ok. i guess we can do this right now. really? we're going to do this right now?

NEVERMIND THE 3 DAYS OVERDUE PREGNANT LADY TRYING TO HAVE A BABY.

the pinnacle moment of the past 9 months {filled with sickness, exhaustion, anticipation, anxiety, etc.. etc..}  is coming to pass RIGHT NOW so, hey, let's throw up the christmas decorations!

i think at that point, my mom took reese on a walk.  smart mom.

and i'm sorry to say i let deek hear a piece of my very emotionally charged, super exaggerated mind.


poor deek.  he didn't know i had started having contractions.  he didn't know my expectations for the day were for complete calm, and quiet, and relaxation. all he knew was that it was one of his favorite days of the whole year - for him the day after thanksgiving is one big christmas decorating party. whip out the decorations! whip out the music! let's have a party!

how selfish of me to forget how important that day was to him.  looking back i feel so awful to have dampened it with my tantrum.

but it is what it is. i got upset.

and our christmas decorations were put up.


i didn't have another contraction the rest of the day.

but for what it's worth, the decorations looked lovely.  {cough, cough, ihopeitwasworthitdeek}

i guess on the plus side though, i was able to get a little black friday shopping in by myself later that afternoon.  who doesn't love a little shopping when they could be having a baby instead.

other shoppers,"wow, when are you due?"

me:, "seventy-freaking-five weeks ago! thanks for asking." or so i thought to myself.

that night was cozy and christmasy, warmed by the glow of white twinkle lights and michael buble's buttery voice.

suddenly it was 3:00am and i was waking up to steady, strong contractions. the more i let myself relax the quicker and stronger they came, just like before.  after about 45 minutes they were 8 minutes apart.  i decided to get out of bed and throw a little makeup on and do the hair. {why do we do this?}

now things were really starting to cook.  contractions about every 5 minutes. i thought it was probably time to wake up the husband.

"hey love... i think it's time!!"

and within minutes we were out the door.





to be continued....